Mission: TreeHouse is committed to excellence in introducing hurting youth and their families to living hope in Jesus Christ and training them to live out this hope as significant people in a changing world.
Expectations: Learn skills and find hope in the midst of family difficulties. This is done through participating in a small group education/support setting. You will come away encouraged. Volunteers are also needed as TreeHouse Support Group and Going Deeper facilitators, to donate professional services, to serve on special event committees, to provide clerical assistance at the Plymouth office and to help with facility maintenance.
When: Wednesdays
Time: 7-9 pm
Where: Brooklyn Park TreeHouse, 7520 Brunswick Avenue North, Brooklyn Park
Contacts: Wayne Thyren, Area Director for Brooklyn Park TreeHouse (which serves District 279), 763.560.2334
Michelle Welinski, Lord of Life representative to TreeHouse, 763.420.5015 x118, michellew@lordoflife.org
TreeHouse Tips for Parents in Crisis*
Crisis events caused by teens trigger feelings of concern, frustration, anxiety and fear, especially to their parents. The urge to help them or change them is strong. Yet, reacting out of fear can sometimes create more harm than help. So, how can a parent best respond to a crisis caused by their teen?
1) Control what you can, not what you can't. You cannot control whether your teen gets high, drinks alcohol, is having sex, comes in after curfew, or is driving your car recklessly. You can however, take the car if they speed or call them in as a runaway if they don't come home. In other words, you can't control what they do but you can follow through with consequences.
2) Have the right parenting goal. If your goal is their compliance to your rules, you are headed for a power struggle and you will likely lose. The right goal is for you to help them learn from their mistakes and successes so they will become self-responsible. Punishment may create enough pain so they temporarily stop the behavior, but if their internal belief of how to respond in that situation doesn't change, they will go back to it once the threat of pain is gone. Select logical consequences and respectfully enforce them.
3) Your influence or lack of influence comes from your relationship with them, not your rules. Rules without relationships will result in rebellion. Winning at the expense of losing the relationship is losing.
4) Work at understanding them and why they chose a particular behavior. Their behavior may be confusing to you, but it made perfect sense to them. Teens often choose "solutions" to be accepted by peers which turn out to be problems. Dressing seductively is not seen as a problem, but rather a solution if it attracts the boy they love. Validating why they chose the behavior they did can open doors to further communication, even if their choice was wrong and needs a consequence.
5) Don't cover for them when they make poor choices. Calling them in sick when they are really skipping school or not calling the police when they break the law creates a harmful belief in them that they can choose poorly and not have to face the consequences.
Varying degrees of crisis are a part of being a teen's parent. Whatever the crisis, work at maintaining the relationship. Whether they become pregnant, are in jail, using drugs, or are failing school, HOW you respond is of more importance than what you try to get them to do. Even if they choose to not change today, they will likely seek to connect with you down the road when they realize their way isn't working for them.
*The Connection, April/May 2010 Newsletter, Dear TreeHouse: Tips for Parents in Crisis.